Frustrations - I just hate them (who loves them?!). Stuck in a situation of which's end you don't see in the near future, or which makes you do something, which you really don't want to.

Many a times, its self instigated - we not doing what we really want to do; we take ourselves for granted, that these are some tradeoffs to be done with our life, so that we get something in return - prob. more dough and the assumption that it ensures more happiness.

But yes, there could be something positive about such frustrations - they can be motivations to help us better our situations. I guess the entire process of evolution from a single celled organism to such a complex human being (with complex problems!) is driven by life's drive to mitigate a frustrating/ unwanted situation and move towards a better life.. for instance, prob. Edison's frustration with candles and wickers, made him invent the electric bulb.

I read 'Choker Bali' by Tagore sometime back. Its a pity that the novel got is publicity (atleast for me) after Rituparno Gosh made it a movie with Aishwarya in the pivotal character.

OK, now 'Choker Bali' means a 'Grain of sand' which by itself has different shades of meaning - it could be a grain of sand which falls in an oyster's shell, causing it to spin a pearl around it; it could also be a grain of sand which falls into an eye and causes pearls of tears to spring out.

Now, should I consider the poem below to be a pearl out of oyster's shell or pearl out of my eyes (rather a pearl that might come out of 'your' eyes?!)... you know what I'd say.. so I'd better not iterate the obvious..

So started the poem in tamil first, and then wanted to experiment by translating (not literally, but the core, yes) into English..

In the dry expanse of the desert sand
Like the wavy path, a viper traced
Short of breath, on a parched land
My past lies spent, all disgraced.

A mind able of unheard victories
A heart willing to wipe every melancholy
A vision to conquer unseen territories
Are they just thoughts of my frivolity?

A flimsy life of heady thought(s)
Painted of vivid colours - dreamy larks,
Fantasies of how I can be God
Is it not all, but a child's farce?

Like a worm living of the dirt
Wishing to sustain life without pain
Am I not one living of this earth?
Just to give up all, someday in vain?!

Why in this romance, should I delve -
To bruise myself with a stupid thought?
I fighting bitterly myself
The pretense of a self, which I'm not?!

ஈரம் இறந்து போன பாலை மணலில்

அனல் காற்றில் விஷ மூச்சு கரய

இரை தேடும் பாம்பின் பாதை போல்

நீண்து கிடக்குது இறந்த காலம்.

சாதனை பல செய்யும் சாதகம்

சூத்திரம் பல படைக்கும் யோக்கியம்

வேதனை பல மாற்றும் பாக்கியம்

என்னுள் இருக்கெனும் கற்பனையில் எதிர்காலம்.

கற்பனை திரத்தால் வாழ்கைக்கு அர்த்தம் காட்டி,

அற்பன் எனையும் அண்டவனென ஆச்சர்யம் ஊடி,

கொன்ட வாழ்விற்கு பல வண்ணம் பூசி,

கண்டும் காணாத பொய் கதை இந்த வாழ்வோ?

மண்ணை நம்பி வாழும் மண்புழு போல்

உலகை அண்டி வாழும் ஒரு புழு இனமோ நான்?

தன் உயிர் காக்க எப்பொதும் உன்டு வாழ்ந்து,

உயிர் மாய்ந்து போகும் மற்றோர் வகையோ நான்?

எதற்கு இத்தனை காவிய கற்பனை?

அது தரும் வேதனை? உன்மை உணர மறுக்கும் மதமை?!

எண்ணோடு நானே அண்ட மறுக்கும் நான்

நான் என நானே நம்புவதை அடையாது தவிக்கும் நான்?!